Resilience and belonging reimagined through therapy

Have you ever noticed that you choose not to share your personal setbacks, experiences or challenges publicly for fear of being judged? This is an instinctive behaviour that seeks to protect us from being judged by others, but can often result in a diminished feeling of belonging and undermine our inner psychological resilience. That’s not to say we should ignore our instincts to protect ourselves by sharing in ways that makes us uncomfortable, however understanding the links between resilience and belonging can be useful.

Counselling is one way to bridge this gap, by providing a safe space to have an open and honest conversation that could reignite your sense of belonging and show you just how much inner resilience you carry.

Resilience

Typically, the term resilience refers to ‘positive adaptation within the context of significant adversity, starting its analysis with a significant setback event’ (Luthar et al., 2000 cited in Hoegl and Hartman, 2021). Psychological resilience refers to effective coping and adaptation when faced with loss, hardship, or adversity. Resilience to certain events has been likened to elasticity in metals. For example, cast iron is hard, brittle, and breaks easily (not resilient), whereas wrought iron is soft, malleable, and bends without breaking (resilient). This metaphor can be carried over to psychological resilience, which necessitates a similar resistance to the psychological strain associated with negative experiences (Lazarus, 1993 cited in Tugade and Frederickson, 2004).

As we experience setbacks or life events that shape our psychological resilience, we may notice noticed that we are more inclined to share our stories when we feel safe, supported, and most importantly trust and value the integrity of those we choose to share with. 

Belonging

At a basic level, this is our sense of belonging at play. Belonging, which can be defined as a subjective feeling that one is an integral part of their surrounding systems, including family, friends, school, work environments, communities, cultural groups, and physical places (Hagerty et al., 1992 cited in Allen et al., 2021). 

At its most fundamental layer, most people have a deep need to feel a sense of belonging, characterised as a positive but often fluid and ephemeral connection with other people, places, and/or experiences (Allen et al., 2021), one of the many benefits of counselling and talk therapy.

Resilience and belonging together

Ironically though, in an effort to belong we often hide our setbacks and in turn undermine our resilience for fear of other’s reactions. This too could also be said for minority or underrepresented groups in society where common misperceptions or a lack of connection drives isolation. As our resilience is destabilised, our sense of belonging diminishes. 

The degree to which a person is resilient can however be influenced and determined by protective factors, including social support, a sense of belonging and self-efficacy.

Positive social support has been identified as a buffer that protects individuals from the negative effects of stressful life situations, and a strong sense of belonging has positively reflected motivation, participation, and ability to relate to one’s environment (Nowiki, 2008).

Counselling, resilience and belonging

Trauma researchers like Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D., believe that all behaviour starts in the body, and those who remain resilient during and through times of loss and hardship will be those who are able to notice and bring compassionate attention to their ‘threat brain’ emotions. 

This is where counselling comes into play. As we tap into our inner resilience and resources we establish subjective feelings of belonging through individual and collective experiences. By sharing our own struggles in a neutral environment we can create connections to physical and conceptual experiences which can make us feel seen, heard and less isolated.

Finding a therapist you connect to on the basis of integrity, safety and belonging allows you to share your setbacks and struggles in a space that draws on your inner resilience without fear, judgement or the need to hide or ‘sugarcoat’ painful or confronting information.

References 

Allen, K., Kern, M., Rozek, C., McInerney, D., & Slavich, G. (2021) Belonging: a review of conceptual issues, an integrative framework, and directions for future research, Australian Journal of Psychology, 73:1, 87-102, DOI: 10.1080/00049530.2021.1883409

Hoegl, M., Hartmann, S. Bouncing back, if not beyond: Challenges for research on resilience. Asian Bus Manage 20, 456–464 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1057/s41291-020-00133-z

Nowicki, A. (2008). Self-efficacy, sense of belonging and social support as predictors of resilience in adolescents.

Tugade, M. M., & Fredrickson, B. L. (2004). Resilient individuals use positive emotions to bounce back from negative emotional experiences. Journal of personality and social psychology, 86(2), 320–333. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.86.2.320

Van Der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma.