Four ways infertility counselling can help with disenfranchised grief
“There are three needs of the griever: to find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know the words have been heard.” —Victoria Alexander
Regardless of the cause, infertility can be a difficult and emotional journey that can lead to feelings of loss, sadness, and hopelessness. It can be a deeply painful and isolating experience, and those who experience it may feel that their grief is not understood or appropriately acknowledged by others which can exacerbate the emotional pain of the experience.
According to Dr. Kenneth Doka, a renowned grief expert, disenfranchised grief occurs when the loss is not socially recognised or acknowledged, or when the griever feels like they are not allowed to express their grief.
In the case of infertility, society often views pregnancy and parenthood as natural and expected, which can make it difficult for those who are struggling to conceive to express their grief openly.
The inability to conceive quickly can trigger a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and shame, and these emotions can be further intensified by the lack of understanding and support from family, friends, and society at large. While drawing on support systems is important for individuals and couples navigating infertility, it is often difficult to find a person or group of people who truly gets it.
That’s where counselling can help by:
Providing emotional support
Infertility can be a lonely experience, and counselling provides individuals and couples with a safe and supportive space to express their emotions and process their grief.
Building coping strategies
Counselling can help individuals and couples build coping strategies to manage the emotional pain of infertility. This may include learning techniques to deal with difficult thoughts and feelings through therapeutic modalities like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), solution-focused therapy or mindfulness practices.
Enhancing communication skills
Infertility can put a strain on relationships, and counselling can help individuals and couples develop effective communication skills to navigate difficult conversations and express their emotions in a constructive way.
Managing social pressures
Counselling can help individuals and couples cope with the social pressures of infertility, including dealing with insensitive comments from family and friends and navigating social situations where pregnancy and parenthood are celebrated.
Infertility counselling can be a valuable resource for individuals and couples struggling with infertility. It provides a safe and supportive space to process the emotional pain of infertility and develop coping strategies to manage the grief.
If you are struggling with infertility, seeking the support of a trained counsellor can help you navigate this challenging experience and find hope for the future.
About the author: As a therapist with lived experience in the infertility and IVF space you can feel confident that I understand the language, nuances and toll these experiences can take. This means that you won’t need to spend valuable therapy time explaining the ins and outs, process or acronyms to me, and ensures that we can maximise our time together.
